Dreams...

So a few weeks ago, I had a really trippy dream.

I was in a doctors office. My Mom, Dad, BD and Wee were all in the office. No one else but docs and nurses. It was someplace green. I think Oregon. Beautiful trees with flowers and pretty plants outside. The air was misty and humid but cool. The office, was sterile and dark. The smell of death was in the air that was being pumped from outside.

My doctor, an average white man, came out and said "it has to happen today. There's no way we can prolong it. It must be done." My mother started to sob. BD was sobbing. Wee, was too young to understand. My Dad, put his arms around me and said, "I'll see you on the other side." and let go of me and walked out the doors.


I became panicked. Do I pray? Is it too late? What if God is on to me and now that I'm praying he sees that the only reason is that I'm gonna die in a few hours/minutes. What if I go to hell? The anxiety swelled up in me. I couldn't breathe. I started to cry hysterically. I didn't know what to do. I could feel my soul being pulled in every direction possible.

The doc came out and said, "Okay folks, it's time. We can't wait any longer." My mother started to cry hysterically. BD was standing completely still and shocked like a dear in headlights. Wee was running around eating papers and pushing buttons on the TV. I didn't feel anything but fear. Tears streamed down my cheeks as if my eyes were being flooded with water. I couldn't move. I couldn't breathe.

My Dad reached behind me. He said, "Don't worry fidgett. I'm here." My body went limp and I fell to the floor. The docs and nurses lifted me to a wheelchair. I went into a room with windows. They stuck needles in me. I could see my family watching and sobbing. I begged God, anyone and everyone, to hear me. My Dad stood at the back of the room. I could smell the outside air. It was clean and hinted of the ocean breeze. The nurse stuck the 1st needle in me. The plunger went down and filled my veins with whatever liquid it contained. I went to sleep.

Then....



I woke up.